Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
