If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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