i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We are two peas in an std pod
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
