drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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