yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
