My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
