My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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