good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
