a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
