The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
