do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
