She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
