the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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