You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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