im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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