Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize