he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
