I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
