hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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