Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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