i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we should paint friendship bongs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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