just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
