i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
People in love make me want to vomit
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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