Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
