You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize