A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize