He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
