hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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