i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
