the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
