but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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