...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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