i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
