You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
