Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize