Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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