He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
