Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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