I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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