Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
