had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
