just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
