How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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