I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
