Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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