Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
