So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
