Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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