He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
