This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
