don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
