She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
