P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
