Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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