I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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