dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
