i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
