Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
