So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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