i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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