Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
