You really coming over, don't trick.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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