You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
