I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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