question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
