I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
