I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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