Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
